Should You Get A Tattoo If A Loved One Disapproves?

Thursday

Oct152009

Today's tattoo topic originates from a question asked by Nora:

Q) Hi Jinxi, My boyfriend doesn't like tattoos and would be angry if I got one, but I have always wanted one and don't know what to do. What is your advice? - Nora

A) I have touched on aspects of this before in my tattoo writings, but thought it was a great topic to revisit because so many people can relate to having a friend or relative who doesn't quite dig body art as much as they do.

Let me begin by reiterating that tattoos are permanent. They require a lifelong commitment and the decision to get one should be taken very seriously, every single time one is added to your skin. Take the time to think about all aspects associated with being a tattooed person, whether you have one tattoo or one-hundred.

- Take the time to plan out your pieces.

- Take the time to find a good artist

- Be prepared to take good care of your tattoos.

- And be prepared for some people to judge them from time-to-time.

Once you have taken the time to consider some of the aforementioned issues in a rational manner, I think it might be best to dig deep on a more personal level. What I mean by that is that nobody else knows your preferences, passions or aspirations like YOU do. Though I'm not of the opinion that all tattoos must have some deep significance to them in order to procure one (some of mine do have symbolic meanings, while some are just little mementos of things that I dig), I have found that the entire process and experience of getting tattooed, of inviting that piece of art onto your skin and into your life, is quite significant indeed. I think that making this decision should be entirely your own to make.

I am not saying that your boyfriend's opinion should not matter, but that he has his skin and you have yours. If he cares about you, he should be open to listening to your ideas and wishes to acquire ink. I know that appreciating the beauty of body art is something that not everyone shares equally. He might have preconceived notions about tattoos or he might not like the way they look; while you see them from a completely different perspective. I certainly remember loving ink from a young age and dreaming of the day when I too could wear body art. I don't know why they appealed to me so much or why the images resonated so deeply with me, but they did; so I definitely know where you are coming from.

Take the time to sit down with your boyfriend and explain that you have carefully thought out why, where, what and when you want to get tattooed. Tell him that you hope he will respect the decisions that you make in relation to your own body and invite discussion as to why this is important to you. Hopefully, if you listen to him, he will listen to you, and you can mediate your way through it all while respecting each others feelings.

Photo by auleafGetting tattooed is a personal decision, no doubt about it. It's YOUR skin. Add what YOU like. Just take the time to be prepared and aware of everything that goes into collecting ink and wearing it for a lifetime. Be a wise tattoo enthusiast and wear them proudly. If we set good examples and keep the tattoo community positive and inspiring, perhaps bias against ink will become a thing of the past.

Happy inkin'!

**This post (and MANY other tattoo-related topics) can be found in the Tattoo Corner for easy future reference.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 at 9:20AM | |

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Reader Comments (9)

I agree with eveything you stated here.

In the end... of all things... we are left with one person.... OURSELVES.

I am 35 and spent many years catering to eveyone elses needs. About 5 years ago I set myself free and getting inked was one of those freedoms. Since I was a child, I was enthralled with tattoos. I knew at 5 I would be tattooed one day!!!

There are people in my life that are dead set against tattoos, BUT they love me and accept me as I am.

My advice to the lady asking you the question... is.... if you want ink then get it. Why waste your life saying "woulda coulda shoulda"???? We only are here once, live it to the fullest doing and experiencing all we can!!!

October 15, 2009 |

Sunny Daze

amen to the last comment and thanks for the great advice jinxi =D
I can't wait to finally get it done. my issue is not knowing where I want it sense I'm pretty much bones all around =/

October 15, 2009 |

raul

I completely agree w everything you said Jinxi. Ever since the 1st time i saw a tattoo when i was a little kid i was completely drawn to them, i have always had a love for anything & everything artistic. when i turned 18 all i wanted to do was get my 1st tattoo, but i was married at this young age & my husband at the time forbid me from getting 1 even though he had several, his brothers were covered in them, 1 of them was tattooed from head to toe & all 3 of his beautiful sisters had tattooes as well. so i never understood why i couldn't get 1 and it broke my heart, well as soon as i got my divorce papers in the mail i celebrated not only my b-day but my divorce by getting my 1st tattoo, i loved it & has led to many more. i have since covered that 1st tattoo bc it was time to shed old memories and move on w/ new ones. i learned that love doesn't last forever in all cases but my tattooes do and they bring happiness into my life that i can't explain. loving the art i carry on me is a huge part of who i am. so if you want to be w me you have to love me for who i am outside as well as who i am inside. you only have 1 life to live & 1 skin to do it in so do what makes you happy.

October 15, 2009 |

Tammi

Do it.. it's for you not them..
I think everyone out there with ink has someone in their life that at one point or another didn't approve.. (My moms for one)
You can't let other people tell you how to live your life.
We aren't machines programed to do things a certain way.
We human and we have the right to be imperfect and make mistakes.. it's in the end.. what makes us every bit of who we are and will be.
I'm sure you have already done something against a loved ones will.. be it getting pierced.. dating a certain person.. dressing a certain way.. or even having a child.
My mom has disapproved of my tattoos since I was 18..
I'm 27 now and she's over it.
She realized that I am my own person and she loves me reguardless.
The person who loves you has to realize that they aren't you and they can't know how you feel about things.
If they truly love you like one should they will be like my mom and accept it.
Love is and should be unconditional.
It's art, and it allows us to express ourselves as individuals.
It may be painful for the moment, but it's NOTHING in comparison to what else you possible could be doing to yourself!!
IF you do get ink and they shun you then shame on them.
I can guarantee that they aren't perfect either.
No one is.. just live YOUR life...
We can't go around thinking about how our decision will effect everyone else.
Imagine if we did.. we'd all be boring..
I'm sure lots of us wouldn't even be born, and there would be no struggles in life that help shape us.
But hey... that's just my opinion.

October 15, 2009 |

Vanessa

I agree with everything that has been posted on here today. I am 36 and I have many tattoos. I am also in the process of sleeving my right arm and will soon start sleeving my left arm. I have a 16 year old daughter & for her birthday I went with her to get her 1st tattoo. My husband, daughter & I are the only people in our entire family that has tattoos. Most of the people on my side of the family are against them for what they claim are "religous" reasons...they are all Untied Pentacostal. However, I do not believe in their religion and almost all of my tattoos express my Wiccan beliefs. Because it was my choice to get tattoos (I have loved the art of tattoo since I was a small child) & furthermore, proudly express my beliefs through my tattoos, my parents refuse to have anything to do with me & I get talked about quite a bit when the family gets together. So this topic is something I must deal with every day. In saying that, I would also like to say that I am extremely proud of my tattoos, I think they are beautiful and they are just as much a part of me as my hands or my feet are. They are part of who I am & always will be and I have never regretted getting any of them, no matter who doesn't approve or regardless of what they may say about me. I love who I am, I feel beautiful, and the people that love me for "ME" are the ones that I surround myself with. I am human though & it does make me sad sometimes that my mother won't be seen in public with me, or that she won't speak to me like I am worthy of her presence, but I also feel that is not my problem...it is HERS. Regardless of my differences with my family, I love them for who they are & if they don't love me for who I am there is nothing more that I can do. Because regardless of what anyone thinks...we all MUST be ourselves.

October 15, 2009 |

Ttiny

If you think "it" than "ink" it. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Just like maps "legends" were drawn in various ways over time to "create history." I know personally what each and everyone of my skin legends mean to me. I wear them on my arm for the very fact that I want to remember each life lesson I learned. They mean everything to me. I do want to state for the record for anyone to be sure that your facility has hazardous waste material bins and clean needles etc. I was very young when HIV was passed through the use of uncleanly facilities. Just like when someone goes into a hair salon... there are certifications on the walls. A cleanly safe tattoo parlor will have the same. Just make sure you do your homework ;)

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