A Letter To My Kids: My Declaration of Acceptance & Love
I had an odd thing happen to me recently. I was eulogized as someone I used to be. I know that sounds odd, because I am me - always have been, always will be. It's true that I have found courage through my years to put others' expectations behind me, striving every day to stay loyal to my heart. 
I understand that there are some who will simply never be capable of getting past appearances; will never be able to understand that the blinders of faith are not for everyone; that the dreams of one are not the dreams of all. I get that. I do. It's unfortunate, but it's reality.
I have come to a place in my life where I simply must not dwell on this regrettable actuality. I feel obliged to live for today; appreciate every moment; love and nurture my family and friends; be in this game for what I have come to understand is MY reason for playing it.
I might look different than I did in younger years. I might not subscribe to the same ideologies that I once did. I might have chosen an alternate path, one that isn't familiar to most. But you know what? Underneath my skin and in my heart, I am the same person I always was.
I may have encountered epiphanies along the way that lead me in my own direction, but I believe those were positive and would never change any of them. Not one. 
While I could let the innuendos deter me and dwell upon them, I decided that today I would turn it around and make a declaration. One of love and support. One of unconditional love. I write this to my children: Brynn, Shea, and Aidan; so that when they are 39 years-old, or 18, or 24, or 89...they can read it and know that I mean these words with all that is inside of me.
Dear Brynn, Shea, and Aidan,
I want you to know how much I LOVE being your mom. I love that I get to know you and share parts of your journey in life. I adored you from the moment you were born. I will always adore you and my love for you will grow every day.
I know that there will be times in your life when we might not see eye-to-eye. I think that's normal and not negative. I understand that you are living your life, not mine. While I am given great responsibilities to teach you things when you are/were younger, I always do/did so knowing that these are only stepping stones to helping you find your own path.
It's ok if we have differing opinions and ideas. Don't ever be worried that you can't share them with me. I want you to use your own brain and skills to find the happiness and understanding that you deserve.
I will always love you.
I will love you no matter what your hair looks like.
I will love you no matter what your skin looks like.
I will love you no matter what you wear.
I will love you no matter who you love.
I will love you if you believe in something that I don't. I will love you if you don't believe.
I will always love you.
Be kind to others. Do the most you can with what you know. Strive to learn and work hard to get better at what you love doing.
Enjoy each phase of your life. Make each year better than the one before. There is no such thing as "the good old days." Don't believe that! Make the here-and-now the best that you've enjoyed yet.
Be in love with someone who deserves you and treasure that love by appreciating each other. Don't settle for anything.
Find your passion and dream big!
Remember that this life is yours, not mine. My dreams for you are that you are "living your dream" - no matter what that is and no matter how you look while you are getting there.
I will always appreciate the person you are. Feel free to remind me of this if it seems like I don't. Because I am so proud of you and I love you more than I can find words to type.
Thank you for reading my letter. Thank you for being my child. Thanks for bringing sunshine to my life.
Love,
Mom
Tuesday, December 22, 2009 at 9:33AM
Reader Comments (22)
i cried. The end.
Jinxi,
What a beautiful letter....your words melted my heart...your are such an amazing woman....and what a beautiful soul you are...inside & out... You have a heart the size of Texas and who could not love you...Ive never known anyone as genuine as you...Im sure what ever life brings for your children, they will embrace it, as you have given them a solid foundation. Some kids never get to experience the freedom to be individuals & express themselves. In the years to come... Brynn, Shea, and Aidan will reflect on your letter with much love and know they were truly blessed to have you as their Mom.
Hugs,
Linda
I cried too. I love you, Jinxi!!!
Jinxi, this is what makes you the beautiful person you are.
Your children are incredibly lucky to have you for a mom. Honestly.
You know, I think if more parents thought like you there wouldn't be as many hateful people. You see, the hateful are usually those who hate themselves as well, and maybe that comes from them not feeling loved by their parents.
If children felt loved and accepted by those who brought them into this world, things might be different. If parents understood that wanting the best for their children doesn't mean forcing ideas or anything else upon them, maybe people wouldn't have the need to behave in that way towards others.
But more importantly, if parents undestood the importance of nurturing their children as individuals, while gently (and lovingly) guiding them to becoming the best they could be, and not forcing them to be what they WANT them to be.. then I think people would probably grow up with much more open mentalities.
You let your kids know you love them for who they are.. unconditionally. Not for what they do. And that Jinxi is absolutely priceless
Jinxi,
this is absolutely beautiful! heartfelt and deeply touching, the words you said to your children are the same I say to mine.
I have the same relationship with my kids, they can come to me for everything and anything, I have taught them about everything starting from a very young age, being very open and honest about all.. I can see you are exactly like that too, your kids are very lucky!
Unconditional Love is Real Love, you love your kids no matter what, no matter who they become,
I feel the same, teach our chidren to live and make their own dreams come true, not to follow anyone else's dreams... and to be what they want to be, I have always taught mine to respect people and there feeling, but not to care what others think of them, no matter how they look, as long as they are Happy, I am happy...
You are an Awesome Mom!
Much Love,
Katt
Beautiful is the word that comes to mind. I think I need to remind myself to give my kids more room to express themselves. Thanks for the reminder.
I'm sure your kids are more than happy to have you as a mother!
:)))
And I can be thankful for my parents too,because you can't imagine how much in common you have with them!
The world will be a better place if there were more people like you!!!
You are are a pretty cool mom. It is to bad more people in the world dont share some of your positive views and perceptions. It would be a much cooler place to live.
Jinxi, this is such a wonderful letter-and I know that your heart and feelings are even bigger and more powerful than words can type. I hope that you realize what a fantastic Mom you are and how good you are at showing your family (and friends too) your love. The world is such a delightful place with you in it :)
p.s. Wow! How interesting to read a eulogy of yourself! That would both be strange and an eye opening experience ;)!
This was hard to read with a tear in my eye....whew! What an amazing mom!
"...there's no such thing as the good old days..." - that part really stuck with me. Love it!
Hip hip hooray! for JINXI BOO!!!
Such a beautiful letter Jinxi, seriously! I wish my mum loved me the way you love your kids, you're an amazing role model. :)
omg it was just sweet and awesome ur a role model
man. i wish my mom would write something like this to me back in the day...
BEAUTIFUL...you are the most amazing woman with an incredible heart!!!! every mother should love being a MOM this much. i'm truely glad you are who you are. i wish everyone could find the strength inside to be who they really want to be, like you do, the world would be a much happier, loving place. yep you got me cryin too! love ya so much xo
This is true, it's like my boyfirend. he will never understand that it;s not the skin that matters, it's the person, the soul behind the skin. Some people will never understand, but im ok with that. Cuz it's just me.
Jinxi, i know your kids will always know how much you love them, I don't live by you or see you everyday but i know just by your words that your a kick ass mom who would give her life and anything for her kids, i know that your husband knows this as well.
any case such an amazing read. don't give up hope or anything. stay safe and keep up with the amazingness! <3 much love!
You are so amazing and genuine! I cannot find words to express what I am feeling right now!
Sooo cute and adorable. I'm touched.
Jinxi, you're amazing and beutiful. This article is awesome. I can so relate. I
Jinxy,
Thank you for sharing this letter to your children.
I cannot imagine how different my life and that of my siblings would have been if our parents had felt this way and their parents before them.
I have three children aged 16,15 and 13 and I hope they know I feel this way also, but hey you have inspired me to tell them that I do feel this way because it is so.
I was having a conversation recently with adults from 30 to 50 and it was astounding just how their parents have not only not accepted them and their chooses but how little they in fact know about their lives and dreams. I suppose part of this is because being in the a queer political dyke I mix with those that are left of centre and this has been one factor.
I think ii is very sad and I hope that my children are in my life in a real way while living their lives for the rest of my life.
Love to you and yours
Tyren
I applaud you for the heartfelt and sincere post. Thank you for this.
Sandra Scarlett
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I love your declaration for your kids. I wish my mom would say that to us too . I think you are an incredible mom and wish you all the best! YOu are one of those " precious" people on the Earth.