Does Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder?

Monday

Aug102009

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder ... so the old saying goes. It may or may not be true. The few times that Steve and I have been apart during the last twenty years (the longest was during the two weeks of Wife Swap filming) I know that I have returned with a renewed sense of appreciation and enthusiasm. Though I almost think that the opposite may be true when it comes to this concept. When you are apart, you remember all of the special little reasons why you love someone and long to relive them again; however, for me, the constant daily companionship and seemingly insignificant incidents all add up over the days, months, years and grow into undeniable devotion and affection.

There sure is no denying the excitement of seeing one you love after time apart though, is there? Much like this beautiful image captures below.

Since I'm such an etymology and phrase origin fan, let me throw in some fun facts about the term Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder. Its origin can be traced to the Roman poet Sextus Propertius, who gave us the earliest form of this saying in Elegies:

"Always toward absent lovers love's tide stronger flows."

The more contemporary version first appeared as the title of an anonymous English poem in 1602. It wasn't until the 19th century that the phrase began to be used more widely, with Thomas Haynes Bayly's song Isle of Beauty, published in 1850 which read:

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, Isle of Beauty, Fare thee well!"

Of course, there is always this earnest Barenaked Ladies lyric:

"Absence makes the heart grow fungus."

Monday, August 10, 2009 at 9:22AM | |

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Reader Comments (11)

aw this is sweet i hope so much for it to be true when my bf and i will be apart for who know how long :(

August 10, 2009 |

Ginger

I think it can go either way, you could realize that you like being alone better during the period in which the other is absent, or prehaps that you are just happier without them around.

August 10, 2009 |

Scuba

I think, for me, this is very much true.

My husband and I spent a year apart when he was in Iraq in 2003.. the longest we've been apart (there were 2 week field problems, month long rotations in NTC - California). You get used to those.
It certainly helped me realize how much I do love him, even when I think he's being an asshole :-P

August 10, 2009 |

Hey Jinxi!
I have to agree with everything you stated, also about the little things that add up the days, but that only happens when you whole-heartedly love AND are in love with someone. What you said was so beautiful. The more two people grow together, you either find you want to continue with them or you want to move on.
I find that years and years later, my love for my first (who I completely believe is my soulmate, better half, whatever wording anyone wants to put to it) only grows... and it's been three years apart! I'm gay, we came out at 15 to our then very closed-minded parents, and we were then forcefully separated. Long story short- we kept the relationship going through the thick and the thin, but obstacles only piled up and we broke it off January 2006. It's been over 3 years where we have had no contact, and each day that passes I only truly grow fonder and long for the day our paths cross again.

Like another saying goes:

"Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and fuels the bonfire." - Francois de La Rouchefoucauld

August 10, 2009 |

Anais

Hhmm...Although I'm sure it's true for most people, I don't know if that quote applies to me & my husband so much. I love my husband dearly and I look forward to growing old with him, but my personality is very introverted, I've even been called a loner (I don't know, "loner" seems a bit extreme). Most people think it's strange, but I LOVE bieng by myself. When my husband goes away for any length of time, I usually enjoy bieng alone. Although I DO miss him I wouldn't necessarily say my heart grows fonder towards him because of his absence. Then again, maybe it's because I know that soon he will be back home.
The things that usually make my heart grow fonder in our relationship, take place in day to day life. Like when my husband pats me on the behind as he walks from the kitchen to the living room, or when I get home from a long day @ work & he has made the bed or washed the dishes so I don't have to. So I guess you're right Jinxi. For me it IS the constant daily companionship and seemingly insignificant incidents that all add up over the days, months, years and grow into devotion and affection.

August 10, 2009 |

TTINY

Very cool post Jinxi! and some great comments too.

I would have to agree with the BL's: "Absence makes the heart grow fungus"

I clean my heart with "Tough Actin' Tinactin" Bam!

August 10, 2009 |

Tiger

I'm with the person that wrote about loving being alone, though missing the significant other. For me, absence definitely makes my heart grow fonder, but at the same time, I think the activities I do on my own bring a richness to the table of my relationship because I grow as a result of them and can share that new growth with my bf. I think it is healthy to want to spend as much time as possible with our significant other, but I also think there are benefits to pursuing separate activities - it allows for new perspectives to enter the relationship. When I entered my relationship, I was a product of my personal experiences without my current bf as a part of them yet - and that made him very attracted to me. Similarly, we have grown as we've shared experiences together, but when relationships get comfortable or mundane (as they can), new experiences can help avert this. I also think it represents a positive thing when one can be without the other (still missing them, of course - I mean, it would be a problem if it was always a party w/o the significant other). I don't think those that are inseparable are unhealthy by any means - I just think there are opportunities they may not be tapping into. There is another aspect to this for me that I learned in my previous relationships and that was my need for female companionship. I strongly desired sharing time with a woman - that kind of bond was something that just never manifested out of having only a bf. I actually felt very isolated and lonely because I didn't have "girl time." There are things women share and that men share together that SHOULD be shared. Again, I think it leads to well roundedness.

August 10, 2009 |

Katie

This really hit home for me. Couldn't have been at a more perfect time for me to read this. I think you are God. lol. Thanks, you are bomb.

August 10, 2009 |

Meghan

i would like to hear more on this subject going thru some hard times

November 2, 2009 |

mario

and was told this quote absence makes the heart grow fonder

November 2, 2009 |

mario

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