Who Dictates Normalcy? Abolishing Stereotypes & Gender Roles

Tuesday

Aug042009

In a recent magazine interview, I was asked a question that has arisen many times before. You would think that I would be used to it by now, but I'm always a bit taken aback. It slaps me with a dose of reality to the fact that other people might be thinking the same thing and then I have to step back and go, "Woah...I totally thought we were PAST this perception."

The question has to do with hair and short hair at that. More specifically, shaved hair. As in, "You have a shaved head - is that a sort of 'statement' that you are trying to make to society?" And it is at this point that I execute an about-face, silently utter, "Wow, really?" and then giggle. While it's true that a woman taking a razor to her locks is almost taboo-like in our civilization, I have just never personally seen it as SUCH a big deal. Curly, straight; purple, blonde; long, short...it seems that this would be so irrelevant in the scheme of society, but I guess I might be missing the boat when it comes to my understanding and awareness of the issue.

Having super short tresses is honestly NOT an act of defiance for me. Just as I speculate that many think my skin art collection implies rebellion (nope, sorry... it's way more meaningful to me; and anyhow, can you IMAGINE covering your body with artwork JUST to make a statement?? That's quite some dedication to "the cause" if anyone really does such a thing), so too the "hair issue" seems to beg the "why" question. Both of these visible aspects of my appearance are traits that I just like. I know that sounds simplistic, but it's really that elementary in a way. I know what I fancy when it comes to the hair and tattoo departments, and I just wear them the way I do because, well, I dig them that way.

Holding my niece Mekenzie & sitting between my sisters, Nicole & Brooke

Long before I got my first little tattoo (a cherry on my ankle), I sported a shaved head. It's always been my favorite hairstyle and the way I really felt the most comfortable. I have grown my hair out over the years and even enjoyed the change from time-to-time. In fact, when I got that first piece of ink, I had hair down past my shoulders. I must admit, I felt so accomplished when I had hair long enough to gather up and pull into a ponytail. But find it just as liberating not having to own a hair dryer too. The short-short style has always been the way that I felt the most like "me" in a sense. There have been times when it was cathartic to shave my head and when letting go of my hair helped me to move on, by getting back to basics, both physically and mentally. I don't know why, and I don't think there really needs to be a reason why. It just IS what it IS.

I guess my reason for examining the hair situation is to say that I think we should all just be the way we want to be.

Wear the clothes we like without checking fashion magazines to be sure they are acceptable for the season.

Listen to music that we dig, without the fear of being told that we "sold out."

Wear makeup if we love the creative flair and the way rosy cheeks make us feel...or don't wear one dab of it if we prefer our skin bare.

Wear dresses if we want to (whether we are boys or girls), baggy pants, or skinny jeans; just because it's what WE adore and not because we feel confined to "gender acceptable" dictated attire.

Wear our hair long (whether a boy or a girl) or short (whether a boy or girl) if that's our fancy.

And do it all under no guise. Without following any rule book. With an open mind and a satisfied smile upon looking in the mirror. Not with the intention of being defiant or making a statement, but simply because life is too short to spend it masquerading as something we are not.

I think that we should open our minds, open our hearts, abolish stereotypes and the entire concept of "normalcy." Live life to the fullest in whatever clothes, skin, makeup and hair we choose; it's what we wear on the inside that matters anyway. And who's to tell you what is right or wrong if you are playing by your OWN RULES, eh?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009 at 9:16AM | |

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Reader Comments (17)

I use to get that a lot too when I had m head shaved. It was either about me "making a statement" or something was "wrong" with me.
The fact of the matter is it was hot and it felt good to have no hair. Unlike you I don't have beautiful art on my scalp to show off, so it was just me and my bald head.
Another thing I found odd was that it was an issue for me to have no hair, yet there was a black woman I knew at the time who also shaved her head and it was no issue. It was culturally not acceptable for me to shave my head, yet it was for her.
Having no hair made me no less a woman. I still wore all my make up and dressed up. Still sowed off some cleavage. And surprisingly, still got hit on by guys. Though it made no difference to me as I'm a girls girl.
And as for making a statement, my mother once asked me if I was gay just to get back at her or make some kind of statement. I asked her if she would have sex with someone of the same sex just to make a statement. She got grossed out and yelped "NO!" I don't know any one who would. The same goes for tattoos or any body modifications. Most people wouldn't do it just to make a statement.
I think it is unfortunate that society treats women so differently depending on hair length and body image. A woman is beautiful no matter what.

August 4, 2009 |

.dita.

thank you, jinxi!

i recently chopped my long hair and am enjoying the next best thing to a shaved head right now...so much easier to deal with. i stopped caring about the looks i get and get a good laugh when people have to get a 2nd look to see if im a boy or a girl. does it really matter? i do my own thing because it's what i want to do... more people should try it!

August 4, 2009 |

gina

I just LOVE the way you think. I have long hair (recently cut shorter than I like!) but that doesn't make me any more or less "normal" than anyone else!!! It's just so happens to be the way I like it! :)

August 4, 2009 |

Shannon

Wow, great post Jinxi! I get what you're saying, if a boy shaves his head, it's "the summer look" but if a girl does it, "why did you shave your hair off?" I think I speak for most everybody when I say hair or no hair, you're still the coolest mom, wife, writer, person, etc etc. :-)

Funny, I used to shave my hair all of the time, and people would say, "why don't you let your hair grow out?" So finally last fall, I stopped shaving it and let it grow. Six months later it's: "why don't you cut your hair?" So I finally got a cut ($14!!! no wonder I hate the barber) but I left the top and bangs grow out. So now it's: "why are you letting your bangs grow out?" BECAUSE I F**KING WANT TO!!! Closed minded freaks! LOL. Like you said, if our culture is so into what people look like instead of real world issues, then we are screwed.

My uncles wife is a moron, and she was staring at my tattoos the other day, finally she asked me why I decided to cover up my "beautiful arms" with all that ink. I could have said "why do you weigh 300 lbs? how did you scarf that whole plate of food down before the rest of us got done listening to your moron prayer?" But I didn't because it's not my business how she lives her life, in front of a t.v... all day, with strange underwear on that J.S told her to wear....oops, there I go a judging. lol.

August 4, 2009 |

Tiger

Everytime I read your blog, especially ones like this, i just sit back and think how smart and insightful you are. I'm really glad you have a blog and post about the subjects you do. Thanks. -Melody

*Used to have my hair short, now its long, as is my husbands :)

August 4, 2009 |

Melody

I love that you get people to use their brains and think, each and every day. It is why I <3 you so.

August 4, 2009 |

.dita.

Jinxi,

All I know is that I love to rub your shaved head whenever I get the chance.

A few great quotes for you to add to your quote book Jinxi:

"He who does anything because it is the custom, makes no choice." - John Stuart Mill

The despotism of custom is everywhere standing up to human advancement. - John Stuart Mill

or one of my favorites:

"Rise up in the cafeteria and stab them with your plastic forks." - HHH

Basically, we are only bound by "their" traditions if we sit back and follow them without question. I love how you question everything, how you take the high road one day, the low road the next and the road never traveled after that.

FUCK TRADITION, IT IS WAY OVERRATED.

August 4, 2009 |

Steve

Cheers Jinxi! Cheers!

August 4, 2009 |

Lady J

This is beautiful. You just radiate positivity.

August 4, 2009 |

A Strange Boy

see, i have been wearing short short hair (with a mohawk) for 5 yrs, i am 23... i get the same thing alot. it's really not about a "statement" or "rebellion". it's just what i like. it makes me feel comfortable, i like my hair short as possible, with a little leftover. i feel like "me" that way. seeing someone else say the same, simple as it is, is reassuring (no doubt i would continue to do it without the reassurance, but you know, it's always nice!)...

and that little image at the bottom... WOW... it totally captures my sense of relationship with my partner. i see him as my equal and opposite. we both face societal struggles, i am not verry femme, he is not a "manly man"... we get shot down alot by friends & family for our unconventional ways of handling our lives. i get treated like i'm silly for "dragging him around" which is offensive to us both. i am happy to be the "breadwinner" and i dont think it devalues him as a human being to be supported by a woman who is willing, able and delighted to do so... i guess because we both seem opposites of what society expects from our Gender, could be why we are so attracted to one another. it works for us. we help each other deal with all the "normal" people. seeing that little blurbie, i had to save it to show him. thank you for opening minds :D

August 5, 2009 |

Silly Jessi

Oh my goodness, I am trying to hold back the tears. FINALLY, I have found someone who has been able to put into words exactly how I feel! Thank You Jinxi, for expressing yourself in this blog so beautifully.
My family & peers have continuously tried to bring me down for years because I have no hair (well almost, its about 1/4 of an inch long,lol) and choose to dye it colors that I feel make me look beautiful. My father thinks I am repulsive, because he feels women shouldn't cut their hair AT ALL! Can you actually believe people have told me I was going to burn in hell (a hell that I don't even BELIEVE in) because I have no hair! WHAT?
I am asked on a daily basis why I cut my hair so short, why I have so many tattoos & why I wear a ring through my nose. It doesn't seem to be a good enough answer for people when I reply that "I look this way because THIS IS ME, who I AM & I feel beautiful". They seem to think I am hiding something...some deep dark issues that MUST make me want to look differently or "rebel". They just can't understand that I look the way I do because this is who I am...and just because I look different than everybody else that doesn't make me any less beautiful than they are.
Sadly, it has gone so far that my parents refuse to be seen with me. They are embarrassed by me. They feel that if they don't associate with me that I will eventually "conform" to what THEY see as "normal". But how can you change who you are? If I tried to be anything other than myself, I would be miserable & unhappy in this life.
So again Jinxi, thank you for posting this blog. It means a lot to me that someone else out there feels the same way I do. I just wish you lived in my neigborhood. I need a friend like you around here,lol. :)

August 6, 2009 |

Ttiny

Jinxi,
A friend just recently gave me the link to your blog as the result of a discussion on 'unconventional thinkers' and how much we appreciate those who ARE 'unconventional'. Thank you so verry verrry much for this particular article, among others. I agree completely with your view on appearing as we see fit. Some days I look very 'butch' as society sees it but the very next day I appear very 'feminine'. My mood dictates my style, not the media. Thank you so much for this article. You took the words right out of my mouth. (-:

Peace <3

August 6, 2009 |

Calen

Great headline. If your cookie has a bite-sized action and your reader completes the action, I think two things happen. Their self-confidence goes up (which feels good) and their trust in you increases.

September 18, 2009 |

Debt Settlement Program

Well said, Jiinxi!

July 7, 2010 |

Rachel

You have done it once again! Superb read.

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Excellent post. ♥

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